Hello, all you non-violent people or people striving to be non-violent, welcome to part 2 of Making a Real Connection. In this episode we talk about this idea of connection as the ease and flow that occurs within you and between people when you experience being seen, heard and valued without judgment. The beautiful thing about non-violent communication is it allows us to really take the judgment out of the interaction, the communication, and last week, we made the distinction between speaking in observational terms versus evaluative terms, and why that's very helpful, especially when you're in conflict. This week we make the distinction between thoughts and feelings. Ready to learn more? Let's get started...
The definition of connection that I like to use is that connection is the flow and ease that occurs within you and between people when they experience being seen, heard and valued without judgment.
Key Points Discussed:
• When we say things like, I feel manipulated, the person that is on the other side of that message is probably not going to see it very well because it's actually a judgment that's being couched by, and I feel on the front end of it, instead, if you were to say, I feel scared because I have a need for clarity and safety. That's a lot different than saying, I feel manipulated. (3:02)
• So now that we've gone over why it's important, kind of keeping you in connection with other people, how do you practice it? You just have to watch yourself, I guess, you have to be very mindful. Now that I've been doing this a long time, I just notice, I feel and what follows, so often, not a feeling, pay attention, people say, I feel like, or I feel that I can't say I feel like uncomfortable. (5:53)
• Well, and here's the thing, just like with the observation versus evaluation, I am really exaggerating the point here, you can't catch that in everything, it's very unlikely unless you've been doing it a long time and it matters that much to you, it's going to be a part of how you speak more than likely, the whole point here is that when you are in an argument, to be very mindful of the distinction, to be mindful of not saying things like, I feel like you don't care at all about me, or I feel disrespected. (9:13)
• If I were to say this to someone or someone were to say it to me, would I take offence if you're going to take offense, it's probably because it's really more of a judgment, you can come up with another feeling that will work, that's a true inner feeling sensation that's going to be received and easier way from the person. (12:17)
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